Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

How NASA Plans To Deal With Death In Space - Jalopnik

I don’t buy bullshit

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

What is it like to be a Christian in Iran?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Column | Nervous about using the bathroom at work? A gastroenterologist shares advice. - The Washington Post

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

Why is my ex still keeping in touch with me even though she dumped me?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Delta Air Lines Warns Tariffs Could Halt New Airbus Orders & Eliminate Flights - Simple Flying

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I actually pay taxes

Police take back statement dismissing hate crime in gay actor’s killing - The Washington Post

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Why is North Korea a jail?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

How do I get my body in shape?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Packers waive receiver, open up roster spot - Acme Packing Company

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Gotham TV Awards: ‘Adolescence,’ ‘The Pitt’ & ‘The Studio’ Among Big Winners - Deadline

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I can read

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Mets’ need their all-time lost opportunity to be a Dodgers aberration - New York Post

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Texas woman dies from brain-eating amoeba after cleaning sinuses with tap water - NBC News

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

You found a love potion, and your friend tried to use it on an attractive popular girl, but he accidentally dropped it on the neighbors dog. Now the dog won't stop following him. How would you help him?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Not Breaking Up With Dakota Johnson Following Chris Martin Split - The Daily Beast

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I see through liars

I can count

What was your first impression of The Carter V by Lil Wayne? Did it feel like 2008 Wayne, when you heard the first few songs.

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

If someone works for me, I actually pay them